You can only meet people as deeply as you have met yourself.
I’m sure you have heard of that before. So have I, and yet I never until recently understood what it meant.
For me it has always been the most natural thing to dive deep within myself. I was faced with darkness and pain early on, as a child, innocent and pure. I might not have understood then what I was doing but looking back I realize I was sitting with my feelings and emotions from the start. Maybe it’s because I’m so highly sensitive that there was just no way for me to not let myself feel.
I have only been diving deeper the older I got.
In my first relationship I wanted to go deep and share all I’ve been through. But I never felt like I got that back, I never felt him opening up to me the way I did and I so desperately craved more and was convinced I could help him face his demons. I did not know then, how this was not my responsibility nor my right to do. We just weren’t on the same page and he wasn’t ready to love as deeply as I wanted to. Because he didn’t love himself.
Long story short, the relationship ended. Reflecting on that time I was able to see what I was trying to do, and that I attracted him for a very reason. There was a lot in me that asked to be healed. I was alone for over two years and in that time I went as deep within myself as I could, and honestly had to.
I found out: the deeper the pain, the deeper the healing but the more beautiful what comes after.
And I met my boyfriend, the most wonderful man I have ever had the privilege of meeting. For the first time I felt understood, seen and loved for who I was. It was because he faced his shadows and pain too, he dove deep within himself too. Since meeting, we are both individually and together on this journey of continuing to learn about ourselves and healing. Our love is deep and it’s only growing. We can love each other so much because we learnt loving ourselves first. Neither of us would have said we are fully rocking the “loving yourself thing” but we had a foundation and being together actually allows us to grow that. It allows us to support each other on our self love path.
I know how hard it is to be with someone who just can’t jump in the deep ends with you, yet or ever. I’m here to tell you it’s ok.
Ask yourself, is there something in you that needs your own love first? Is there something that is screaming for your attention and care? How deeply have you met yourself and can you go deeper?
Your love has always been enough, it is never about you and you will meet someone who will take your hands, will look you in the eyes, will see your soul and you will see theirs. Because there won’t be anything to hide anymore.
That love will be beautiful and miraculous. And you deserve this.
From Larissa with love
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